Day Two

#ScreamingHats, Part 2

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Wed, 28 Jan 2026 17:00:00 GMT

#274. #ScreamingHats, Part 2

#ScreamingHats - page

Maybe we could all take turns with the acid gun?

Chloe and Zia are in front of the box of MAGA hats. One hat hangs on a hat stand. Chloe: "I don't think this is right. It's just fabric. It doesn't have an ideology — " Zia: "You think so, huh?"
Zia zaps the hat on the hat stand to life. *VWOOOOM*
MAGA hat (shouting): "That wetback snake is an anchor baby!" "Donald Trump is a living god!" "9/11 was an inside job!" "Women belong fat, pregnant, and in the kit — " Chloe (horrified): "Good God!" MAGA hat: "White power!" Zia watches smugly.
Zia (snarky): "See?" Chloe (frowning darkly, grabbing the acid ray gun): "You get the camera. The acid gun is mine." MAGA hat: "Birds aren't real!" "Q was right!"

#ScreamingHats, Part 3

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Mon, 02 Feb 2026 17:00:00 GMT

#275. #ScreamingHats, Part 3

#ScreamingHats - page

...hell hath no wrath like that of a woman even adjacent to Trump's America. And with this, we end the #ScreamingHats mini-arc. We'll get back to our regular storyline shortly: Chapter 9 is coming soon. But Chloe and Zia couldn't just let this one go, so we got three pages of #ScreamingHats, not just one.

Chloe stands with crazed bloodshot eyes, breathing hard, covered in red stains, the acid gun empty in her hand. The hat stand is half melted.
Chloe (wild-eyed): "More." Zia (holds up a box): "All out."
Chloe (darkly): "MORE." Zia: "Chlo, I'm with you, but that was like five hundred hats. I really shouldn't risk going back to their world again."
Chloe (voice hollow, putting the acid gun on the table): "Fine."
Chloe takes out sunglasses and a cigarette from somewhere.
Zia: "Hey, since when do you smoke?" Chloe (wearing the sunglasses and lighting up as she leans against the wall coolly, James Dean-style): "Just give me this."

Chapter 9 Promo

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 01:00:00 GMT

#0. Chapter 9 Promo

Miscellaneous Fillers - page

Coming this summer, it's time for Day Two Chapter 9, "Date Night!" In which... nothing important happens, as usual 😉 The promo here says "Coming May," because we're going to do something very unique and special starting on May 1, right before chapter 9 begins! So stay tuned, everyone! This is going to be the biggest chapter ever, and I sure hope it's been worth the wait!

Title: Chaper 9: Date Night. Background shows an empty cocktail glass.
Chloe (facepalming): "This is going to be a disaster."
Chloe (holding goggles): "What are the odds that any of us leave here alive?"
Zia dancing in a big crowd of people.
Chloe looking up, fiddling with her hair, her face bright pink.
Chloe (shrugging): "Why do I even bother?"
Zia (in lab coat): "You do realize you're forcing me to be responsible, right?"
Title: Coming May 2026.

Chapter 1 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Fri, 01 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#276. Chapter 1 Recap

Recaps - page 1

What do you do when you've been turned into a horse and your insane roommate nearly ended the world? You can only laugh — because it hurts too much to cry. Welcome to Day Two. (Before we start chapter 9, let's help onboard new readers! We're going to do every chapter, one chapter per day, and then a week from Sunday, we're going to start the new chapter! Let's goooo!)

Zia: "Welcome to DAY TWO! I'm your host, Zia Mendez! The star of the story!" Chloe: "Ahem." Zia: "Okay, fine, Chloe's a main character too." Zia: "Anyway, I'm going to do a quick recap of our story thus far, one page per chapter, so listen the hell up because I'm not doing this again!" Chloe: "Zia, rude!"
Zia: "Chapter 1: IT BEGINS." "Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away called Los Angeles, there lived a lovely young maiden named Zia Mendez in a rent-controlled dee-luxe apartment in the sky!" "Also, she had a boring roommate named Chloe Bloom."
Zia: "One day, giant purple portals opened in the sky, and suddenly the lovely maiden Zia turned into a snake! More or less!" "And Chloe turned into a centaur — which is honestly a really weird critter if you think about it. How exactly do you breathe, anyway?" Chloe (facepalming): "Focus, Zia!"
Zia: "Chapter 1 — " " — was kinda dumb, really. We told our parents we transformed. Heard about Chloe's sister Lynne, who's a mermaid now, and my sister Angel, who's a psycho evil scumbag villain now." Chloe: "She's an actual angel, Zia. You could take some notes."
Zia: "Anyway, I played some pranks on Chloe, and she found out my name's not Zia, but if you ever call me Constanzia Florence I will cut you." "And that's all of chapter 1."
Chloe: "Hey, wait, didn't you also get jury duty? Whatever happened with that, anyway?" Zia (shrugging): "I showed up and they asked two questions then dismissed me for some reason. Can't imagine why." Chloe (dryly): "Can't imagine why indeed."

Chapter 2 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Sat, 02 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#277. Chapter 2 Recap

Recaps - page 2

Chapter 2, "Zia's Poker Night"! In which things happened! And stuff! And also Zia turns out to be kind of a sociopath! And we never actually get around to playing poker!

Chloe: "All right, so how are you going to explain this one?" Zia: "Listen, chapter 2 is — I mean — " Chloe: "What Zia's trying to say is that chapter 2 wasn't her best work." Zia: "Hey! I had a great monologue in there!"
Chloe: "Zia decided to throw a poker night party." "I usually go out when she hosts a party and come back to find the apartment trashed — " Zia: "I swear that wasn't my orangutan!" Chloe: " — so this time I stayed home."
Chloe: "She invited her friends from work," "and we started playing poker." "And then I find out this lunatic green noodle is actually researching the portals." "Like, y'know, an actual grownup scientist type."
Chloe: "Turns out this flake is a damn supergenius, and it wasn't very nice the way you made everyone else explain that for you." Zia (grimacing): "You wouldn't have believed me otherwise."
Chloe: "So anyway, I took the full maximum dose of Excedrin for a headache that was this big, and the party ended." "And then we watched a movie together, because Zia's actually really fragile on the inside and really just wanted a friend." "Didn't you?"
Zia (bright pink, flustered): "I'm — I'm not that fragile!" Chloe: "So you do or don't cry when you see a lost puppy?" Zia: "Huge puppy eyes, Chloe!" "I'm not made of stone!"

Chapter 3 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Sun, 03 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#278. Chapter 3 Recap

Recaps - page 3

Chapter 3, "The Third Roommate"! In which nothing happens, there's nothing to see here, move along, folks, just ignore that glowing interdimensional singularity in the linen closet.

Zia: "Look, chapter 3 is easy." "There's a portal to a pocket universe in the linen closest. The End." Chloe: "Ahem."
Zia (shrugs): "Okay, maybe I had something to do with creating it." Chloe: "Zia, you built a 'lensing particle accelerator' in your bedroom." "Of course you had something to do with creating it."
Zia: "I was trying to help!" Chloe: "By making an empty purple universe that eats clothing?" Zia: "Show me the pocket universes you've created, and we'll see whose is better."
Chloe: "Anyway, so we found out that a couple years ago, this lunatic was trying to make a teleporter, and the Khazovian military stole her work." "They misused it on Day One, and that's what opened all the portals."
Chloe: "And for some reason that I still don't understand, those are apparently why I now have a horse for a butt."
Zia (brightly): "Sounds about right!" Chloe (irritably): "Do you have any idea how insane everything I just said sounds?" Zia: "Now tell them about how we're hiding the pocket universe from the government!"

Chapter 4 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Mon, 04 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#279. Chapter 4 Recap

Recaps - page 4

Chapter 4, "Me, Myself, and Yikes"! Because you can never have too many Chloes, unless you're Chloe, in which case even being the first one is already one too many.

Zia: "So once upon a time, there was a Chloe." "And also a Chloe." "And another Chloe.*" "And there was a wicked gnarly electric spike of like 1.21 jigawatts, and we accidentally put all three Chloes together in the same room." "Then they underwent gravitational collapse and nearly destroyed the multiverse. The End." Chloe (facepalming): "Worst." "Explanation." "Ever."
Chloe: "Let's try again." "In chapter 4, we met — other me's from parallel universes." "It — was a tangled mess, to be honest." "I talked a lot with Chloe Two, who really wants to be a centaur for some godawful reason I can't explain." "And Chloe Three's a spider, and she fell in love with a spider guy in our world."
Chloe: "And then they all had to go home because it apparently really would destroy all of existence if they stayed." Zia: "S'what the math said, anyway. I might've forgotten to carry a 2."
Chloe: "So Zia zapped herself and summoned more Zias — still haunts my nightmares, thanks — and the Zias figured out together how to send everyone back." "And so every single one of us was worse off because Zia had to mess with opening more portals."
Chloe: "And that's it. I met a bunch of other me's, they all went home, and I learned I'm the worst one. Thanks, I hate it." Zia (grinning, big thumbs-up): "Don't mention it, babe."

Chapter 5 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Tue, 05 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#280. Chapter 5 Recap

Recaps - page 5

Chapter 5, "My Lunch with Lynne." When your sister parlays her new mermaid tail into worldwide renown and a massive salary while you're paying student loans and getting stuck in doorways, what do you do? Jealousy and jello shots, that's what you do.

Zia: "So, hey, chapter 5, chapter 5... um..." "'My Lunch with Lynne.'" "In which — Chloe, uh, has lunch with, er, her sister Lynne who's, um, a... mermaid." "And then they ate the lunch and liked it and went home, the end." "I give it four stars." Chloe (facepalming): "Did you pay attention at all during chapter 5?" Zia: "You had bad timing! Elden Ring came out!"
Chloe: "Lynne and I haven't gotten along well in years, but she asked me to lunch, and we had a heart-to-heart over both having been transformed." "She was in a — pretty bad place." "I told her it might not be forever, and I brought her back to the apartment to show her —"
Zia (excitedly): "I remember that part!" "Your klutz of a sister fell into the closet portal like you did, and when she came out, she was still human!" Chloe: "Thanks for reminding me of the worst thing that ever happened in the history of ever." Zia: "Always welcome!"
Chloe: "When Lynne got in the shower the next morning, she turned back into a mermaid, and she's been one ever since." "She could have her feet if she wanted them back — but no, the only person in the world who can be human again chooses not to." Zia: "Bitter much?"
Chloe: "We meet for lunch on Wednesdays now. We get along okay enough, but she can still get on my nerves." Zia: "Chloe, dryer lint gets on your nerves." Chloe: "You want to help the world? Invent a lint trap I don't have to clean!"

Chapter 6 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Wed, 06 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#281. Chapter 6 Recap

Recaps - page 6

Chapter 6, "Angel's Among Us"! In which Zia violates the multiverse just to prove a point. Also, not an "Among Us" reference. How come nobody gets the actual joke in the title? It's like right there, people.

Zia (irritable): "First rule of chapter 6: We don't talk about chapter 6." "It never happened." "It doesn't exist." "You can't prove anything." "My lawyers can beat up your lawyers." Chloe: "It wasn't that bad. Your sister Angel came to visit."
Zia (angry): "She came by because she hates me! She likes to watch me suffer!" Chloe: "She's quite lovely, if you'd just give her a chance." Zia: "What I'll give her is the warm end of a flamethrower."
Chloe: "I feel like I should take over this retelling." "So Angel came by the apartment, and asked Zia if she'd come home for a little bit." Zia: "Never gonna happen." Chloe: "Zia stormed out, and went to the lab, and summoned the evilest Angel counterparts she could find in other dimensions." Zia: "Would've worked, too."
Chloe: "But Angel really is very nice, and she managed to talk them into becoming friends." Zia: "Is it illegal to bomb other dimensions? Asking for a friend." Chloe: "The other Angels went back to their worlds, and then Angel and Zia talked it out."
Zia (brightly): "At the best restaurant in the world! Steamboat Taco Time, baby!" Chloe (softly): "It's really, absolutely terrible. You know that, don't you?" Zia: "That's what makes it awesome!"
Chloe: "Anyway, Angel and Zia have agreed to call once a month. Haven't you, Zia?" Zia (looking the other way): "(mumbles something incoherent)" Chloe: "Haven't you, Zia?" Zia: "Yeah, fine, whatever, shut up."

Chapter 7 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Thu, 07 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#282. Chapter 7 Recap

Recaps - page 7

Chapter 7, in which Chloe attempts to retcon her own existence. And/or break the timeline. And/or destroy reality as we knew it.

Chloe (pokes her head in): "Alright, look, no Zia?" "No Zia." "I'm recapping this one by myself because she doesn't know that I went back in time, and I still feel like I probably shouldn't tell her it happened."
Chloe: "Zia wanted help with an experiment, and I fell through another portal back to Marysville, Ohio, where I grew up." "Met myself at eleven years old."
Chloe: "And before you ask, no, I didn't break the timeline." "I, uh, tried, though." "I wanted to tell my younger self to avoid the cities where the portals opened, but instead I got sucked back through time again at just the wrong moment."
Chloe: "Instead, all I did was warn her she was going to turn into this, so she took a bunch of horseback riding lessons, and we got really good at it, and we won trophies and stuff, and I ended up still stuck as a horse."
Chloe: "That's — really about it." "But if you ever go back in time and meet your younger self, do yourself a favor and say the most important stuff first."
Zia (pokes her head in): "Oh, hey, there you are." "Are we gonna start the recap for chapter 7?" Chloe: "Nah, we're skipping this one. It's just filler."

Chapter 8 Recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Fri, 08 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#283. Chapter 8 Recap

Recaps - page 8

Chapter 8. Monster girls in therapy! In which nothing actually happens and everyone sits around and complains about their feelings and then they all go home. One star, wouldn't reread, needs more asteroids and explosions.

Chloe: "I don't want to talk about chapter 8." Zia (holding popcorn, grinning): "Oh, I do." Chloe: "Listen, it's personal, okay?" Zia: "And that's exactly why you should tell everyone about it."
Chloe: "sigh... Lynne blackmailed me into going to group therapy." "God, I can't believe I'm saying this name: Monsters Anonymous." "And then we came home." Zia (grinning with popcorn): "...and?"
Chloe: "And everybody talked about their feelings, and I hated it and are we done now?" Zia (popcorning): "...and?" Chloe: "Argh! Fine, I blew up and stormed out! There! Happy now?" Zia: "Oh, very. DO GO ON."
Chloe: "So Lynne and I were standing outside, and — we talked — and she helped me see — things." "About life." "That I hadn't really seen before." Zia (maniacally): "...AND?" Chloe: "And I went back in and apologized and came home."
Zia (drops popcorn): "Wait. That's it?" Chloe: "Yes, that's it, what, did you want me to say I punched somebody?" Zia: "Would've made for a better chapter." "BOOORING." "Actually I was doomscrolling for most of it. Did you know that Kim Kardashian —" Chloe: "NOPE, nope, no celebrity gossip!"

Recap recap

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Sat, 09 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#284. Recap recap

Recaps - page 9

Day Two hyper recap! If you only have 37 seconds for the entire story, this page is for you. But if you have more than 37 seconds, maybe try the other recaps? Or read the whole story? We swear it's non-addictive and non-habit-forming and the first hit is free 👍

Chloe: "So that's Day Two so far: Crazy portals opened in the sky, turned a bunch of us into freaks and monsters, and Zia's been trying to fix it ever since." "And Khazovia says they weren't involved, even though it's pretty clear they stole Zia's mad science to do it." "And eight months later," " — a lot of insane stuff has happened," " — we've met family and new friends," " — there's a pocket universe in the hall closet," " — there's parallel worlds with alternate me's," " — I've been humiliated in every possible way," " — and there's still, still, STILL no cure."
Zia: "Anyway, thanks all for joining us for this quick recap of DAY TWO, and stay tuned tomorrow for the start of chapter 9, 'DATE NIGHT'!" Chloe: "Wait, who approved that title?" "I'm not going on any dates!" Zia: "Heh, I think you are now."

Chapter 9: Date Night

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Sun, 10 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#285. Chapter 9: Date Night

Ch.9 - Date Night - page 0

I'm sure this will be fine. And completely uneventful. With no lasting consequences... ...and you'll find out on May 13, as we resume our regular Day Two schedule of twice a week, posting every Sunday and Wednesday @ noon EDT!

Title: "Day Two." "Chapter 9. Date Night." Foreground shows an empty cocktail glass that had some kind of pink drink in it, with ice, cocktail straws, and a slice of lime, sitting on a wooden surface with a brown napkin under it. Background is blurry and out-of-focus, but may contain Chloe's yellow tail, and someone beside her, and some other figures farther in the distance.

Life

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Wed, 13 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#286. Life

Ch.9 - Date Night - page 1

For those of you counting oddball pop culture references — this chapter's gonna have a lot of 'em.

Chloe and Zia, walking down the streets of Pasadena. Camera is high overhead. Chloe: "So why exactly are you dragging me to the lab this time?" Zia: "I gotta get you out of the apartment somehow." "Unless you finally want to go on a date."
Camera is closer. Chloe: "Not interested." Zia: "Chlo, you ever hear the song, 'There is life outside your apartment'?"
Chloe (irritated): "That's exactly the problem! There's life outside my apartment!"
Zia (facepalm): "Ugh. Maybe I should've just left you there after all." Chloe (exasperated): "That's what I'm saying!"

Need

phantom-inker@dontmailme.nomail (Phantom Inker) — Sun, 17 May 2026 16:00:00 GMT

#287. Need

Ch.9 - Date Night - page 2

Of course Zia would've counted.

Zia (continuing down the street): "It wouldn't hurt you to go out more. You used to like dating." Chloe (irritable): "I don't want** a date."
Zia (arms crossed): "Uh huh." Chloe: "I'm fine single." Zia: "Really."
Zia: "After you moved in, you went on twenty-six dates and went through three different boyfriends." "I counted." "And then in the last eight months you've dated all of nobody." "So what changed eight months ago, I wonder?"
Chloe (face red, embarrassed and steaming): "Yeah — well — you don't have a boyfriend either!" Zia: "Yeah, but I don't need one."