#165. ZiCo® Grease Grabber! Infomercials
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#165 *
Nov. 19, 2023
- Zia: "We all want to eat healthier." "But pizza and cheeseburgers just taste so good!" "Nachos, pork rinds, cheez-whiz, bacon — " " — we know they're bad, but they're sooo delicious!" "Do we really have to give up and live on salad?"
- Zia (holds up a plastic spatula with magnets glued to it): "I say no!" "Introducing the ZiCo® brand Grease Grabber!" "This patent-pending miracle invention is guaranteed to remove all the bad evil parts of your foods, leaving just the healthiest parts of the cheez-whiz!"
- Chloe (dully, reading a newspaper): "But how does it work?" Zia: "I'm glad you asked!" "Nickel neodymium magnets yank out the grease, probably by quantum grease tunneling or something!" "Because magnets can apparently do anything!" "Then you simply empty the grease into a bucket, leaving only the healthy bacon ranch cheeseburger!" (Diagram of the magnets pulling wavy lines from a bacon cheeseburger.)
- Chloe (dully, not looking up): "It sounds too good to be true." Zia (holding up a bag of magnets labeled "danger" in Chinese): "That's because it is!" "SUPPLIES OF THESE CHEAP CHINESE MAGNETS ARE LIMITED, SO CALL NOW!"
Characters: Chloe, Zia
You have no idea how much I would give to actually hear Lisa Ortiz deliver Zia's lines for these infomercials.
— Inker